If I Lost You
by Fae'sFlower
Summary: Elphaba is sick. Very sick. And she's about to give birth. She knows she doesn't have a lot of time left, so she and Fiyero have a talk that Fiyero never dreamt he'd have, along with an earth-shattering secret. Fiyeraba. Post-musical. Oneshot.


**Hello, all. So, this was supposed to be written and posted last month, but life happened and I never got to it, but I'm doing it now. Just a warning: you will need tissues. And lots of them.**

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Elphaba groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. She shut them immediately as the light streaming in from her bedroom window temporarily blinded her. She felt a familiar hand slip into her and slowly opened her eyes again. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," Fiyero said as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Forcing a smile, Elphaba tried to push herself up, but failed, and not just because of her budging abdomen. "I've been better."

Fiyero placed his hand on his wife's stomach. It had been three years since they left Oz, and two years ago, Elphaba found a way to turn Fiyero back into a human. A year later, they find out that they were going to be parents in nine months. They couldn't have been happier, but then it went downhill.

During her fifth month of pregnancy, Elphaba fell ill. Very ill. The doctor suspected it was a growing effect from her time on the run and it didn't turn serious until then.

"I'm sorry, Fae."

"Yero, we've been over this. It's not your fault. This was bound to happen anyway," Elphaba sighed, knowing Fiyero wasn't talking about the baby.

"I could have done something."

"No, Yero. You couldn't have."

Tears filled the prince's eyes and he quickly wiped them away. Elphaba weakly pushed herself up again and slowly began to slide out of bed.

"Fae…"

"I'll be alright," the emerald woman said, shakily pushing herself to her feet.

Fiyero immediately wrapped his arms around her waist and helped her up. Elphaba flashed him a grateful smile and the two walked into the kitchen of their small cottage.

"I'm not hungry," Elphaba said as Fiyero helped her sit down and moved to start breakfast.

"Fae, you need to eat something."

Elphaba slowly shook her head, looking paler than usual.

"O-okay. But at least drink some tea."

The emerald woman didn't respond and Fiyero quickly moved to boil the water. Once the tea was brewed, he poured it in a cup and set it down in front of his wife.

"Thanks," Elphaba muttered, not touching the mug.

The Vinkun placed a gentle kiss in her hair and went back to make his own breakfast. He returned to the table with a plate of eggs and toast and a cup of coffee.

"Fae, drink you tea. Please," Fiyero practically begged as he sipped his coffee.

Elphaba reached out a shaky hand and grasped the mug. Fiyero got up and placed his hand over hers to steady it and helped her drink the tea.

"Better?" he asked when she lowered the mug from her lips.

"Mmm," Elphaba hummed softly.

Fiyero didn't know if that was a 'yes' or a 'no', so he simply sat back down and returned to his breakfast.

Once Fiyero had finished his breakfast, Elphaba weakly pushed herself up. "Yero, I'll be fine," she said when she saw Fiyero get up to help her.

"Fae, you should lie down."

Elphaba opened her mouth to protest, but instead, simply nodded and allowed her husband to lead her back to their bedroom. On their way, the past the new baby's nursery and Elphaba pulled her husband inside.

In the corner of the room was a hand-made crib, right next to a rocking chair. On the pillow was a small, stuffed flying monkey that Elphaba made herself. A mural of the different parts of Oz was painted on the walls. They wanted their child to have some connection of the past, even if he or she would probably never understand.

"This looks nice," she said softly.

Fiyero smiled as he gently wrapped his arms around his wife from behind and kissed her cheek. "I just can't wait until we actually have someone living in this room." He placed his hand on Elphaba's stomach and chuckled softly.

Elphaba's lips curled into a small smile as she placed her hand on top of her husband's and leaned back against him.

"Here, let's get you back into bed," Fiyero said as he turned and guided his wife out of the room.

Halfway there, Elphaba stopped. Her eyes widened and her hand flew to her abdomen. "F-Fiyero?"

Fiyero turned and tightened his grip around his wife. "Fae? Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Before Elphaba could respond, her eyes rolled back into her head and she crumbled to the ground.

"Fae!" Fiyero screamed as he caught her and held her in his arms. "Fae? Fae, sweetheart, please wake up."

Not getting a response, Fiyero quickly carried her the rest of the way to their room. He gently laid her on the bed and ran to get a cool cloth. He brought the water basin and cloth into the room, spilling half the water on the way back, and hurried back to Elphaba's side.

"Fae," he whispered desperately as he wiped her forehead. He wanted to go get help, but he also wanted to stay with Elphaba.

Thankfully, the emerald woman moaned and slowly opened her eyes. "Y… Yero?"

"I'm right here, Fae," Fiyero whispered, stroking her hand.

"I… the baby…"

"Fae, don't worry. Everything will be alright."

"Yero… I have to tell you…" The emerald woman was cut off by a stabbing pain in her abdomen. She cried out and Fiyero quickly clutched her hand, feeling completely helpless.

"Fae, what's wrong?"

"Yero… something's wrong. The baby… it's coming."

Fiyero looked as if he might faint. "N-Now? No, Fae, it can't. It's too early."

"Yero, trust me, the baby's coming."

"O-Okay. I'll get Maven."

"Hurry," Elphaba whimpered, closing her eyes.

Fiyero nodded and rushed out of the room. He ran next door and frantically knocked on the front door, practically bruising his knuckles.

Hurried footsteps coming from the other side of the door stopped the Vinkun's rapping knuckles. A Fox appeared in the doorway, looking extremely worried.

"Fiyero, what…"

"I'm sorry, Maven. But Elphaba's… she's… in labor," Fiyero said as he fought to catch his breath and shook his hand.

"What?" The Fox's eyes widened. "She… she can't! It's too early." She followed Fiyero next door and hurried to the room.

"Fae!" Fiyero exclaimed, rushing to his wife's side.

Elphaba was lying on her side, clutching her stomach. She looked up and tried to force a smile at the sight of her husband, but failed and grimaced instead.

"It's alright, sweetheart. I'm here," Fiyero whispered, stroking the sweat from his wife's forehead.

Elphaba closed her eyes and moaned softly.

"I know you feel awful, Fae. But it will be over soon and we'll be parents."

"Okay," the emerald woman whispered as another contraction hit her. "Yero, I…"

"Fiyero, help Elphaba sit up a bit against the pillows. It will make it easier," Maven interrupted.

Fiyero did as instructed and helped Elphaba sit up.

"Yero…" Elphaba whispered.

"Shh, it's alright," Fiyero whispered.

"No, Yero. I…" Elphaba was interrupted by another contraction and hissed in pain.

"It's alright, Elphaba. Everything will be fine. Just try to relax and push and soon, you two will be the proud parents of a happy, healthy boy or girl."

Tears streamed down Elphaba's cheek as she slowly shook her head. "N-No…"

"Fae, I'm right here. You can do this. I love you so much," Fiyero whispered, kissing her cheek and squeezing her hand.

"Yero, please listen to me. I…"

"Alright, Elphaba. On three, start pushing. One… two… three… push!"

Elphaba grunted as she pushed with all her strength.

"It's alright, Elphaba. You're doing fine. Keep going," Maven encouraged.

Fiyero squeezed his wife's hand, wishing there was something he could do to help her. She was scared enough to go into labor when the time came, but now that it was two months early, she must have been beyond terrified.

"I love you," he whispered soothingly when Elphaba leaned back against the pillows. He reached over to grab the wet cloth and wiped the sweat from her brow.

"Yero… I…"

"Shh. You can tell me later. Right now, just concentrate," Fiyero said gently.

Elphaba shook her head. "No, Yero. I can't tell you later. I have to tell you something very important and you have to listen to me. Please."

Fiyero froze. Whatever Elphaba wanted to tell him, it must have been very important. "Fae?"

"I… I haven't been completely honest with you, Yero. I… and please don't hate me for doing this."

Now Fiyero was scared. "What is it?"

Sighing, Elphaba reached behind her pillow and pulled out a small, white bottle.

"Fae, what is this?" Fiyero asked as he took the bottle from his wife.

"It was the… the reason I got sick. Yero, I… I drank milkdew."

Fiyero's eyes widened. He knew what was in milkdew. "Fae… you didn't. Please tell me you didn't."

Elphaba nodded slowly, obviously pained in more ways than one. "I… I couldn't take the risk of our child being born… like me."

"Fae! You know what's in milkdew! Milk flowers! You know what milk flowers do."

"It wasn't all milk flowers, Yero."

"Where did you get this?"

"Yero, it doesn't matter where…"

"Where. Did. You. Get. This?"

Elphaba gulped. "The… the apothecary at the edge of town."

Fiyero's breath hitched in his throat. "Fae, you knew what would happen if you took milk flowers."

"I'm sorry, Yero, but I can't put our child through what I went through. Yes, my mother died, but Nessa wasn't born green."

"No, she was born paralyzed from the waist down."

"It was better than being born green."

"Fae, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You… you wouldn't have approved."

"You're darn right I wouldn't have! How did you even know that our child would be born green?" The Vinkun was now in tears.

"I… I didn't. I just couldn't take that risk. Yero…"

"Does that mean…"

Elphaba nodded, knowing Fiyero's question. "Yes."

"No."

Elphaba looked up. "W-What?"

"No. I refuse to lose you, Fae. Just hold on. Please. Do it for yourself. Do it for our child. Do it for me."

Elphaba slowly closed her eyes, feeling weaker than ever. "Yero…"

"Elphaba, keep pushing!" Maven called from the foot of the bed.

"I… can't…" Elphaba whispered.

"Yes, you can, Fae. You're the strongest person I know. You can do this."

"Yero… I…"

The Vinkun stopped his wife with a kiss. "Please."

The emerald woman slowly opened her eyes and pushed with all her strength.

"Fiyero, she's loosing too much blood!" Maven cried over Elphaba's screams, sounding very alarmed.

"What can we do?" Fiyero asked, squeezing Elphaba's hand.

"We can't save both of them."

Fiyero was torn. They couldn't save both of them. One of them was going to die. He couldn't do that to Elphaba, but he couldn't do that to their child, either.

"… Fi… yero…" Elphaba whispered, her voice weak.

Fiyero directed his attention to his wife. Her emerald skin was now clammy and sweat covered her forehead. "P-Pl… Please…" she whispered.

"Please what, Fae?" Fiyero asked gently.

"F-Forgive… m-me…"

"Of course I forgive you, Fae," Fiyero whispered, holding back a sob as he felt his wife's spirit slowly beginning to leave her body.

"I… love… you…"

"I love you, too, Fae. Now and forever."

Elphaba looked up at her husband and forced a very small smile, and with one final push, gave birth.

"It's a girl!" Maven cried from the foot of the bed.

"A girl! Fae, did you hear that? We have a daughter!" Fiyero cried. When he didn't get a response, he turned and saw Elphaba lying lifeless against the pillows. "Fae?" He gently shook her arm, but she didn't respond. A single tear slid down his cheek and he soon found himself sobbing. She didn't know they had a daughter. "No..."

"Fiyero," Maven said softly, still holding the crying newborn.

Fiyero turned and looked at Maven through his tear-filled eyes. "Y-Yes?"

"Say hello to your daughter," Maven said, gently handing the little bundle to Fiyero.

Fiyero bit back a sob as he held his tiny daughter in his arms. She was very small, smaller than a regular newborn, and her skin was a peach color. Dark brown ringlets of hair covered her head and Fiyero could tell that her hair would be wavy, just like Elphaba's. He could tell already that she also had Elphaba's nose and cheekbones. She had inherited his ears and eyebrows.

"Is she… are her legs…" Fiyero whispered.

"No, Fiyero. She's fine. She's weak, and understandably so, but she'll survive. What is her name?"

Fiyero didn't answer as he rocked the bundle in his arms. His daughter slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him and the Vinkun gasped. Her eyes were green. Emerald green. "Elana. Her name is Elana," he finally said.

"That's a beautiful name," Maven smiled softly. "What does it mean?"

Fiyero gulped down the lump in his throat. 'Elana' was the name he and Elphaba had decided on if the baby was a girl. "Beautiful. It means beautiful," he finally said.

The Fox smiled softly. "And… Fiyero?"

The Vinkun looked up at the Fox.

Maven gently glanced at Elphaba then back at the prince. Understanding, Fiyero gently handed Elana back to Maven and sat down next to his wife.

"Fae," he whispered, even though he knew it was pointless. "We have a daughter. Her name is Elana and she's perfect. Her legs are fine and she's not green, although I know she would have still been perfect without the potion. And we would love her regardless." He squeezed her hand and noticed how cold and clammy it felt. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Fae. So much. I'll make sure our daughter knows all about you. I'll tell her the story about how we met, how we saved the lion cub together and about how we were reunited again. I will never forget you. I will make sure our daughter knows everything about you." He choked back a sob as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye, Fae." With that, he took Elana from Maven's arms and walked out of the door, casting one last glance at Elphaba before walking down the hall, cooing to the newborn in his arms.

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 **Bow down before the Wicked Queen of Referencing and Killing Feels! (Though, the 'killing feels' part was a bit more obvious than the 'referencing' part in this.)**

 **Also, the reason why the baby's legs aren't tangled is that the drink had milkflowers and other things in it, so the other things would have balanced the effects of the milkflowers out. Plus, it probably would have been too tragic for poor Fiyero.**

 **Nelly, please consider this your extremely belated birthday present.**


End file.
